What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 09:28
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
How are max different from medical and minimum security prisons?
It was going to be , some day.
We all went to grammer schools
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My family never makes their pension either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I write beautiful poetry .
How might an Indian girl respond to someone saying "I love you"?
I couldn’t, believe it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What can I do to deal with disrespectful children?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What is one small habit that has transformed your life in unexpected ways?
I will be 64.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Comes on , in middle age.
But, we were locked up after school.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why do Muslims invade Western society?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why do narcissists avoid talking about the real issues?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
All the time i was locked up.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He knew the spot.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So whats the point in blame.
When she asked me how she looked .
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was seconnd youngest,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We were not on the streets..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She found it foreign!.
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I think the readers, may guess!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And i lived it daily.
She wouldn,t have been !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I said to her
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was very sick at this time too.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Put me off passion for life!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was scared of men, in general
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was 9 years of age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot live in the past .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She loved him until the end.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I could never make a relationship work though!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Would this be the day?
She was in good health!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What did i know ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I waited trembling.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So, i spoilt her more .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
This is soul school!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Who then, do I blame.?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Was to survive, this bastard.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My life is so biszare .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She married twice! .
Ive learnt so much.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I have no regrets .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But it wasn’t much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!